Callin' You Ma'am
by VGWrighte
Summary: Episode VIII of "The Adventures of Nerdy Carter and First Sergeant O'Neill"! Based on "Point of View." Majors Carter and Kowalski come through the quantum mirror. Rated K for mild profanity.


Calling You Ma'am

The Adventures of Nerdy Carter and First Sergeant O'Neill: Episode VIII

Based upon Stargate: SG-1

Author's Note: Based upon "Point of View." I found a script/transcript on line to hell with some of the dialogue, and I've cutout the majority of the episode. So you won't be reading too much of what you've seen before.

Reuploaded with a few typos fixed. Not to mention I wrote "silver oak leaves" instead of "gold" for a Major. No one seemed to catch that one, but it is correct now.

- . - - - . -

"You'll want to see this," was all the Major said on the phone. So Jack drove in to work on his day off. Major Jackson was waiting in front of the second elevator. They both entered and the Major hit the button for the infirmary's floor.

"What's going on, Sir?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

They made their way to the Infirmary. Jack stopped dead when he made it through the doorway. Sam was sitting on a bed, but it wasn't quite right. She wasn't wearing her glasses, she had cut her hair - quite substantially - but there was something about her posture and her expression that just wasn't right.

"Woah, what happened to you?"

"Sir," she breathed, but she was looking at him and not Major Jackson.

"What?" both he and the Major said at the same time.

Fifteen minutes later Jack couldn't tear his eyes off the computer screen. It was amazing. It was his fiance, kinda. The woman on the screen had a short spunky hair cut and wore a pair of BDUs with the gold oak leaves of a major. His brow furrowed as he stared at the television screen, listening to the woman tell her story. The voice was the same, but the speech and the inflection was different.

He glanced at Sam - his Sam - sitting next to him. Her mouth was hanging open, her big black glasses sliding down her nose. She pushed her glasses up her nose.

Finally, General West hit pause on the video and turned to Sam.

"Wow," she finally said, clearly unable to form any other coherent words.

"Yeah, how about that hair?" Jack said, trying to lighten the mood.

"She claims to have traveled from an alternate universe in the same manner Major Jackson experienced a year ago," General West explained.

"Well, that can't be who I met. That was _Doctor _Carter and she wasn't in the military. And Shirt was a General, not a Colonel."

Jack shook his head. "Yeah, apparently, in many other universes I got tired of working a real job an became an officer." He winked at Major Jackson.

"I have no idea who thought that would be a good idea," the Major responded with a smile.

"Regardless, Gentlemen," General West said, "She and Major Kowalski are here from some alternate reality."

"An alternate, alternate reality?" Jack asked. He glanced over at Sam, who still looked bewildered.

"I mean, it is possible, theoretically," she said absent mindedly.

Jack just about started drooling when she started to explain it all with her science-y words.

General West nodded, "That's just about what she said." He hit play on the video and they listened to _Major_ Carter repeat just about everything _Doctor_ Carterhad just said, word for word.

"Well, that's weird," Jack said, referring not only to the almost verbatim repeat back they just heard, but the fact that he wasn't turned on at all by the Sam on the video. Whenever Sam talked about science-y stuff, he got all hot and bothered. His mind drifted for a second, thinking back to last weekend . . . Simple harmonic motion was sexy.

"Well, judging by that, there's no doubt that they're pretty much the same person," Major Jackson said.

"That being said, they've asked to be debriefed and I'd like you all to participate," General West said before turning towards the Airman next to the door. "Show them in."

In walked Major Charles Kowalski, looking almost exactly the same as the last time Jack saw him - two years ago before he was taken host by a Gou'ald and died - and Major Sam Carter. Jack couldn't help but make several quick glances between the two practically identical women.

Even as Major Kowalski made an angry lunge at Teal'c, Jack couldn't help but stare at Sam's "twin," unable to imagine what his Sam would be like if she were in the military.

- . -

Jack was on his way to Major Carter's quarters. They were allowed to stay. He had no idea what he was going to do with two Samantha Carters around, besides have really funky hot dreams. He mentally shook himself, nope, one Samantha Carter was enough for him. Especially when the other one was an officer. Major Jackson was going to tell Major Kowalski - could there be more Majors in his life right now? He had volunteered to go tell Carter - which he decided, since she was staying, he would refer to her as Ma'am Carter, at least in his head.

He knocked twice on the door and entered, nodding to the airman stationed outside.

"Just put it on the table and close the door on your way out," she said.

"I'm sorry, put what on the table?" he asked.

She turned and saw him. "Jack, I'm sorry, come in."

He entered and closed the door behind him. It was odd to see her like this. She was different than his Sam, she almost looked taller. Her face had a whole different shape because of her hair. But, she looked different now than she had earlier today. He couldn't put his finger on it. She looked different from looking different? Whatever.

"Your Doctor Fraiser keeps insisting I eat something."

Jack nodded. "Well, ah, she's your Doc Fraiser now too." He offered her a smile. "You're in. They said you could stay."

She nodded, not looking as thrilled as he expected. "That's good."

"Yeah, I can see you're overjoyed."

She quickly turned from him, an action he recognized from his own Sam. She wanted to hide her emotion from him. "I just never expected this. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to act."

Jack scratched the back of his neck absent-mindedly. "I can't begin to know what you've been through. And . . . Hell, Ma'am . . ."

Before he could continue with his poorly thought out consolation, she released a sharp chuckle. "Who imagined you'd ever be calling me Ma'am?"

"Certainly not me," he agreed.

"God damn," she muttered. "Looks like I'll always be breaking the rules with you."

He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"I told you I watched you die," she said, and she had, during the debriefing. At the time, he suspected there was something she hadn't told them. She turned around with familiar soft eyes. "What I didn't tell you was that we'd been lovers for two years."

His jaw dropped. "But I was your boss," he blurted out. It occurred to him that that probably wasn't the most relevant thing to say, but it was all he had at the moment.

Regardless of chain of command, he was suddenly very jealous of his alternate self, having had been sleeping with Sam Carter for two years. He mentally shook himself, his and Sam's wedding would be there soon enough. And while she was uncomfortable with intimacy now, she made it clear that she would not be when they were married. And based on some kissing on the couch (okay, more than some), he was reassured that she was correct.

"I had always thought the women who fraternized were . . . sluts who couldn't control themselves, but with you . . ." she trailed off, emotion thick in her voice. "God, it was worth it. Even if they found out it would've been worth it." She looked up and met his gaze with hungry eyes. "I promise it'll be worth it."

She took an lustfully aggressive step forward when there was a knock on the door. She paused and looked angrily at the door. "Enter!" she barked.

A guilty looking airman entered, holding a tray of food. "Leave it on the table and go," she said harshly.

"Yes Ma'am," the young man responded quickly. He responded as he would to an officer, not to Doctor Carter. Ma'am Carter was already establishing herself as a woman to be reckoned with. Jack wondered what she thought she had to prove.

The airman set down the tray and escaped from the room.

When Jack turned back around, Ma'am Carter was standing very close to him. She licked her lips. "I promise it'll be worth it," she repeated in a heady voice.

He took a step back and took a deep breath. "As great as that sounds, Ma'am, I got my own Carter."

This time she stepped back with an incredulous expression on her face. "You have got to be kidding me."

Jack frowned.

"You and _her_?"

Jack titled his head. "I'm not sure what is throwing you through a loop here." He gestured between them. "Clearly stranger things have happened."

"But she's . . . God, she's a geek! And quiet, and nervous . . . I mean she's a fricken egg head. How can you be attracted to that?"

Jack was too dumbfounded to be insulted on behalf of his fiance. "I don't really know how to respond to that."

She scoffed and turned away from him. "You were never very good with words," she said harshly. "You don't have to say anything. You can just go."

Jack frowned again. He couldn't believe it, but he felt bad. "Listen, Sam . . ."

She spun back around. "That's Ma'am to you, First Sergeant. You're dismissed."

He just stared at her for a minute, deciding whether or not to call her bluff. He was relatively certain she was - in fact - bluffing, and hiding behind her anger and her rank. He didn't call her bluff. Instead, he snapped to attention. If she wanted to place their ranks between them, he wasn't going to stop her. It didn't make things any more difficult for him. "Yes, Ma'am." He turned on his heel and just about marched to the door.

"Jack," she called out and he opened the door. He ignored her. He knew she had spoken in anger, but based on the short interactions he already had with her, she wasn't worth it. She was an officer and he was a working man, it was simple as that. He left the room without responding, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Jack started to head to Major Jackson's office, to just keep him appraised of what just happened and almost ran into his adorable little "egg head" coming around a corner. She appeared lost in thought.

"Hey," he smiled, putting his hand on her upper arm.

She looked up at him with a shy and nervous smile. "Hi." He started walking with her, towards the elevator.

"How are you doing with this . . . twin thing?"

She took a deep breath and blew it out, inflating her cheeks comically. She then shook her head.

He nodded. "Okay. Wanna talk about it later?"

She shook her head. "I think I need some more time to thing about it. Maybe tomorrow." He didn't say anything for a few moments.

They reached the elevator and he pressed the call button.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked.

She nodded.

Jack took a quick glance around, seeing no one, he leaned forward and kissed her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded again. "Tomorrow," she agreed while entering the elevator.

He smiled at her. "Bye,"

She folded her hands nervously as the door closed. "Bye."

- . -

Major Kowalski and Ma'am Carter were gone, back to where they came from. Jack's lips still tingled from where she kissed him. She had been oddly aggressive, He was sure the kiss was meant to be a sweet goodbye. But it was weird.

"I'm sorry," Sam said to Jack as they walked away from the room that contained the mirror.

"For what?" he asked.

"That you couldn't stay with her."

Jack stopped in his tracks, grabbing Sam's hand to stop her as well. "What?"

She stared at their shoes. "I saw you kiss her."

"Sam, I didn't kiss her." He looked around and pulled her into an adjacent room, closing the door behind them. "She kissed me because she missed her Colonel. I didn't kiss her back."

"You didn't?" she asked, still not looking up.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because . . . Uh . . . Because she's not you."

"What?"

"She's not you."

"But she's better than me."

He stared at her, unable to fully comprehend her statement. "Define _better_."

"She's prettier than me," Sam said quietly, not looking up. "And more confident than me, and you've got more in common with her and . . ."

"What are you talking about?"

Finally, she looked up at him.

"How could she possibly be prettier than you?"

Sam opened and closed her mouth a few times, but didn't answer.

"And she's not as confident as you think she is. She's just good at pretending."

Again, Sam didn't answer.

"And if you think we have a lot in common because we're both in the Air Force you couldn't be more wrong."

"But I thought -"

He cut her off. "First, she's an officer and I work for a living. Second, she's bossy."

Sam couldn't respond, she didn't know what to say or what to do.

Jack smirked. "Though, I'll admit," he slung his arms around her waist and pulled her hips closer to his, leaning back a little so he could see her face, "I'd be okay with you bossing me around a little. You're cute when you lower your voice and try to be all serious."

Her jaw was still slack.

"Sam, I don't know why you think I like you, but I don't think what you think why I like you is really why I like you."

"What?"

He shook his head. "Yeah, that made no sense. Let me try again." He cupped her face and kissed her lips. When he pulled back, she was still sporting a blank expression. He hands slipped back down to her waist.

"You know I love _you_, right?"

She nodded.

"And you love me back, right?"

She nodded again.

He smirked. "We're good at this whole talking thing, aren't we."

She nodded again, but this time she smiled, biting her bottom lip.

He rubbed her hips. "If you were an officer, we wouldn't be fraternizing on base right now."

She blushed to her little blonde roots. "Jack."

"Can I come over later? I'll bring some drinks and some take out . . ."

"It'll be a nice little boring date."

"Can we maybe do a little kissing later?"

She bit her bottom lip again and looked up at him through her lashes. "I'm glad you asked. I couldn't want to have to order you to."

A grin covered Jack's face from ear to ear. "Please do. I'll start calling you Ma'am."

- . - FIN - . -


End file.
